TodayAsInTomorrow

I am sad for everything that I am happy for today
I am missing everything that I am celebrating today
I am sick for I am well today
I am leaving but my heart belongs here
My teary eyes hold your cry
My love is left behind.

Despair, frustration and sometimes happiness

He often asks
Why did He create me this way
His feminine soul cried
His masculine eyes watery

Why am I feeling this way
His pink heart bled
His torn brain worked hard

He wept away those tears
Kept his emotions aside
Shaved the beard
Keep the moustache
He's a man again.

Rhetoric Burden

And why did she lay awake
crying under the heavy blanket?
For a beauty that one wants
but alas will never get

What beauty of such power
silencing a sound mind?
Of fairness and brilliance
that one wishes to possess
but regretfully will never have the access

Owh who shall hear the cries
other than yours and ears of mine
the One who listens to
every single buzz, thud and swish

How painful the heart is
Wishing for impossibilities
Tied down by reasoning
Fooled by own feelings.

A (good as) dead lover

I hate you because I can
in so many ways
You don't understand
and you never tried to
You only know to play
the so-called cool guy

On my birthday
I wished for a bed of roses
And a pool of love
but you being the always you
text-ed me a "happy birthday to you"

On our first date
I wished you make me feel
special
instead, I have to put words
into your dried mouth
and barren heart

When our eyes first met
You promised me
mountains of hope
and happy times
Those eyes were indeed
deceiving

At night when I lay
alone on bed
I felt like calling you
...a coward!

Am I wasting my prime
waiting for you?
Dulu, I'd say "No"
Sekarang, I don't know
as I am numb

Do I regret falling for you?
No, I thought you were the one
Yes, because you've proven to be
none

How much do I hate you?
As little as I hate my exes
and as much as I pity their
now girlfriends

Will I then die for you?
Only God have the answer.

Portraits of a black hole

This is me, looking calm
even as a baby
This is me and my best friend
...the people we used to be
This is me and my almost twin
I swear I didn't smear her picture

This is my eldest brother
looking great even when carrying his toddler
holding hands with his wife

This is me and my volleyball team
...the triumphant history

This is my youngest brother
An adorable baby
Too fast have he grown

This is me and my boyfriend
...the day we broke up

This is my first sister
She is engaged

This is my youngest sister
...and her man on her right

This is me and my family
Half of them
The other half have grown
out of the house
This was when Mama and Papa
were wrinkle-free
I was blessed with youth and acne,
Rin was yet to marry,
And Ui was a smart kid

This is my late great grandma
Uncle Gigi cried day and night
when she left
I learned then,
people will always part and cry

Today, I'm putting on
a heavy make-up
Rejoice, rejoice, rejoice.