Untitled - kerana aku keliru

Buat 'kamu' yang 'tak sempat' ku temukan dalam lembaran hari2 yang mendatang

***

Ketidakpastian kamu meracuni akalku
Walau ramahmu mencuri hati
Aku senang bila kau tenang
sendiri tanpa teman
Aku resah bercampur gundah
pabila di balik keraian
'kamu' gagal aku temukan
Jasad kamu di situ
tapi mata hati ini tidak mengenalimu
Derai tawa dan jenaka bersahaja mu
buat aku
...keliru

Bila berbicara aku dapat merasakan
dirimu peka lagi prihatin
Bila berdepan kau seolah segan
cuba menampakkan sempadan

Aku keliru
hatiku mahu
tapi akalku beritahu
"He's just NOT THAT INTO YOU"

***

and my reply would be
"thank you and there would NEVER be a day where I wake up in regret for not trying hard enough"

You+me=us?

A dedication 'to whom it may concern'.

but I bet YOU no longer have interest in my poems, right.

***

I'd like to take your hand
and dance with you
But I'm afraid
the shadows would deny me the opportunity
I'd like to whisper sorry into your ears
but the bell of present is making you
...DEAF...
I'd like to love you again
But I'm afraid I can't see
that special room in your heart anymore

If my tears be rain
and your love the sun
We shall meet again where rainbow colours the sky.

Anomali yang tak ku fahami

Kau anomali.

Observasi ku salah.

Kurang tepat, mungkin…

tetapi salah, belum pernah

Kau anomali.

Ku fikir celik lagi waras

namun kau ANOMALI

tak pantas ku baca

gagal ku kupas.

Kau anomali

sukar di definisi.

Perkabungan

Aku berkabung

tanpa jenazah yang perlu diusung

Aku berkabung

dalam hujan yang tak menitik,

tak basah dan tak sejuk

Esak ku tawa,

tangis ku dekah berderai

Hati ku tampal ‘koyok’

seperti yang kau minta

Biar deritanya tak zahir di mata

si dia yang buta

Aku berkabung

demi kau bahagia.

Hatiku...

Hatiku dah tak larat, hatiku dah penat, hatiku dah tak terbeban, hatiku dah tak tersarat. Helah kau insurans rasa bersalahmu, harapan agar kurang berat di dada, tapi penipuan juga pilihanmu, biar aku tampak BODOH lagi cela! biar hatiku terus tak terbawa…

Helahmu

dan

hatiku

tak

akan

pernah

seiring.

Cukup tamat kita di sini. Hatiku tak tertanggung!

Langit Mengerti

Langit mengerti

lalu menyimbahkan takziahnya

simpati akan aku yang kehilangan

Rakan yang ku pegang jadi sahabat

Kawan yang ku biar akrab

Langit mengerti

lalu memuntahkan amarahnya

Sahabat yang dulu ku pegang percayanya

kini berpimpin tangan dengan yang lainnya

Teman yang dulu akrab

seolah kini membiarkan aku ‘tertiarap’

Langit mengerti

lalu iring laguku sepi.

cermin vs. aku

menyampah betul pandang cermin
HOLLOW
there's a silly girl staring at me
DUMB
there's boredom in her eyes
SILENT
there's lifelessness in her figure,
MATI
there's emptiness in her heart
LOHONG
and
there's me...

Poem in progress

Unfamiliar and familiar faces
staring on me
Gazing me up and down
Some with sharp curious eyes
Some with teary read ones
Many were anxious.

I felt naked
Undress me did they?

One by one
the faces I recognized
yet failed to remember
came near me
Almost kissing my ears
they whisper.

Strange.

I heard the clock ticking near
the fan spinning fast
and beep beep beep of a weird box

But...
what were they whispering?

Wound:revisited

You are so DESPERATELY different

WHY try so hard to be someone that isn't you

WHY is there a need to prove

when we both know,

neither are victorious...

And why, why am I opening my heart

awaking my senses

to the same ol' wound again...

How do you do?

I feel like I've been
stripped off
Made to walk in front
of people, NUDE
I feel like my heart
has been robbed
off its love and tender care
I feel betrayed
My words echoed
in somebody else's
mouth and ears
I feel like I've been
stabbed, BLUNT
painfully enjoying the silence of death

How do I do?

I'm fine... thank you.

Dismantling Me

- D.i.s.m.a.n.t.l.i.n.g Me -

1. Take out the heart
2. Soak it in fakeness of love
3. Boil it with anger
4. Mince it with frustration
5. Dry the brain of reasoning
6. Season it with false hope
7. Add in accusation and hatred
8. Allow others' propaganda to mix well with all the ingredients
9. Perfect the taste of decision by letting it be influenced by the essence of STRANGER
10. Dinner is served!!!

The sun is setting

The sun is setting
My heart is bleeding
Is that the last ray I'm seeing?

It's difficult to breathe
As I lay here half dying
Is this the last air I'm inhaling?

The dusk is approaching
My nerves are numb
Is this the last day I'm living?

Love - untypical

Love
Need not a reason
To Love
Should not expect a return
Unconditional...

Cold blood self murder

I stabbed my heart
again and again
You stood there watching me
dying
The spear you gave me
blunt
It's very hard for me
to die
Yet I'm very persistent
and you stood still
watching me
dying...

Y.O.U

To stop thinking
about you
... Is to upset my brain
functionality
To stop loving you
is to cease breathing
To live without you
is
to

die

a

slow

death.

TodayAsInTomorrow

I am sad for everything that I am happy for today
I am missing everything that I am celebrating today
I am sick for I am well today
I am leaving but my heart belongs here
My teary eyes hold your cry
My love is left behind.

Despair, frustration and sometimes happiness

He often asks
Why did He create me this way
His feminine soul cried
His masculine eyes watery

Why am I feeling this way
His pink heart bled
His torn brain worked hard

He wept away those tears
Kept his emotions aside
Shaved the beard
Keep the moustache
He's a man again.

Rhetoric Burden

And why did she lay awake
crying under the heavy blanket?
For a beauty that one wants
but alas will never get

What beauty of such power
silencing a sound mind?
Of fairness and brilliance
that one wishes to possess
but regretfully will never have the access

Owh who shall hear the cries
other than yours and ears of mine
the One who listens to
every single buzz, thud and swish

How painful the heart is
Wishing for impossibilities
Tied down by reasoning
Fooled by own feelings.

A (good as) dead lover

I hate you because I can
in so many ways
You don't understand
and you never tried to
You only know to play
the so-called cool guy

On my birthday
I wished for a bed of roses
And a pool of love
but you being the always you
text-ed me a "happy birthday to you"

On our first date
I wished you make me feel
special
instead, I have to put words
into your dried mouth
and barren heart

When our eyes first met
You promised me
mountains of hope
and happy times
Those eyes were indeed
deceiving

At night when I lay
alone on bed
I felt like calling you
...a coward!

Am I wasting my prime
waiting for you?
Dulu, I'd say "No"
Sekarang, I don't know
as I am numb

Do I regret falling for you?
No, I thought you were the one
Yes, because you've proven to be
none

How much do I hate you?
As little as I hate my exes
and as much as I pity their
now girlfriends

Will I then die for you?
Only God have the answer.

Portraits of a black hole

This is me, looking calm
even as a baby
This is me and my best friend
...the people we used to be
This is me and my almost twin
I swear I didn't smear her picture

This is my eldest brother
looking great even when carrying his toddler
holding hands with his wife

This is me and my volleyball team
...the triumphant history

This is my youngest brother
An adorable baby
Too fast have he grown

This is me and my boyfriend
...the day we broke up

This is my first sister
She is engaged

This is my youngest sister
...and her man on her right

This is me and my family
Half of them
The other half have grown
out of the house
This was when Mama and Papa
were wrinkle-free
I was blessed with youth and acne,
Rin was yet to marry,
And Ui was a smart kid

This is my late great grandma
Uncle Gigi cried day and night
when she left
I learned then,
people will always part and cry

Today, I'm putting on
a heavy make-up
Rejoice, rejoice, rejoice.