Scattered Disorganized Thoughts

The Fallen buddha

2011-05-26T12:28:00.000+08:00

I used not to have a single careof this small worldBUT now, you have enlightenedme of itscruelty and injusticesI used to be innocentnot knowing muchand had very littleburden on my heartNow you have shown methe lightthat blackens thebrightest spaceand consumes everythingthat stands in betweenThank you for theREVELATION!

untitled

2011-03-03T15:01:00.000+08:00

I wrote this poem when I was doing my undergraduate studies. I can't recall the reason for touching on this issue, really. But I remember that this poem was sort of inspired by Dr. Jalal (though I can't recall the connection haha). Mind you, this is one of my 'darker' poems (though such category is subjective and open to discussion). *** HAKCIPTA TERPELIHARA - NURUL ALIA ZULKIFLI 2011. In

Contemplating misery

2011-03-03T14:03:00.003+08:00

CONTEMPLATION: - is a chunky word...When ALL is lostthen the process beginsMISERY: -Ha..ha..har..hard to explainsuffocation of mixedFEELINGSIf only you could still feel...

Status aku bukan satu pertunjukan

2011-01-27T10:30:00.001+08:00

Kalau aku singlebukan bermakna hatiku tak berpunyabanyak rasaku mungkin kauyang tak mendapatnya Jika aku in a relationshiptak semestinya aku perlukan diasatu sms di dinihari, satu panggilan sesudah senjaaku bukan penghias hanya di skrin blackberry Andai aku kata it's complicatedkebarangkalian aku menemukan dia tinggiatau hanya sukar melupakan kamusempatkah mereka membaca riak di wajahku? Jika

Puisi Gelap

2011-01-27T10:29:00.000+08:00

Percaturan Ke NerakaAku kesatria-kah?Atau sekadar gurkha?Aku panglima-kah?Atau sekadar sida-sida?Bukan JANTANTidak pula wanitaAku punya suaraTapi tak mampu bicaraAku punya ketegasanTapi tak berdaya memutuskanAku punya keinginanTapi kematian akalGerakkan aku wahai pencaturKu bernafas tapi tak bernyawaMelainkan kau yang memegangnyaAku cuma ingin MATI!

Your being my existence

2010-11-06T02:33:00.002+08:00

I know he's out there...somewhereThe journey perhaps takes him longer to reach herebut im sure...im sure he'll soonbe-near.I could imagine hearing his footstepsgrowing steadily as he comes nearI could almost see the tip of his hairswayed by the gentle breezethe smell of his beinglingers in the doorway- my heart races my feet - my eyes wet my cheeks -I

Tak kutemu tanpaMu

2010-09-23T01:51:00.003+08:00

Tangan terikat tanpa taliKaki yang mau dihentakhanya terpasak di bumiMulut terkatup walau suara menjeritAku ingin sesuatuAku tahu takkan dapat kutemukantanpa KAMUtanpa ketentuanMUhajatku hanya mati di awangantanpa keredhaannMUdambaku hanya kehampaanya Allah ya Tuhankuleraikan rantai yang menggari tanganku mohonhidupkan kakiku yang kakuku pintadengarkanlah rintih tangis suarakurayu aku yang hina

Bicara cinta dari sudut aku

2010-07-09T23:32:00.002+08:00

Cinta ituadakah indah?Benarkah manisberkongsi duka dan tawa?Cinta ituwujudkah atau sekadar khayalan?Bagai loga-maya tatkalaaku haus di tanah gersangCinta itumampukah sempurnaiaku?Yang jalannya berdengkotlecur kakinya dipanggangpasir yang tandusCinta ituadakah untukaku?Yang rajinnya alpalagi lalai sukar berterima kasihCinta itubila kan aku temu?Kala ini hati udah mula jemuBenak sentiasa

ceritera cinta versi aku

2010-06-01T12:22:00.002+08:00

mulanya rasa indahdi tengahnya rasa kelirubila hampir berakhir dirasakan payahdi antaranya ada rindudi celahnya ada cemburudi hujungnya ada sendutika gembira meledak di dadasenyum diukir tanpa paksatika duka mengalir di setiap urat darahpedihnya tampak di matadia perlu kamu perlu diakamu perlu dia perlu akuinyatanpa kamu dia tiadatanpa dia kamu hampatanpa aku cerita ini tamat di sini sahaja.

a fickle minded murderer

2010-04-26T21:24:00.001+08:00

bunuh dalam diampakai pisau tumpultanam dalam2 dekat akalhati berdarah tak boleh hentimata jerit2lidah terikatnafas jadi ketataku makin tersekat...

Untitled - kerana aku keliru

2009-08-04T21:46:00.003+08:00

Buat 'kamu' yang 'tak sempat' ku temukan dalam lembaran hari2 yang mendatang***Ketidakpastian kamu meracuni akalkuWalau ramahmu mencuri hatiAku senang bila kau tenang sendiri tanpa temanAku resah bercampur gundahpabila di balik keraian 'kamu' gagal aku temukanJasad kamu di situtapi mata hati ini tidak mengenalimuDerai tawa dan jenaka bersahaja mubuat aku ...keliruBila berbicara aku dapat

You+me=us?

2009-05-24T17:55:00.004+08:00

A dedication 'to whom it may concern'.but I bet YOU no longer have interest in my poems, right.***I'd like to take your hand and dance with youBut I'm afraid the shadows would deny me the opportunityI'd like to whisper sorry into your ears but the bell of present is making you ...DEAF...I'd like to love you againBut I'm afraid I can't see that special room in your heart anymoreIf my tears be

Anomali yang tak ku fahami

2008-11-12T02:01:00.001+08:00

Kau anomali. Observasi ku salah. Kurang tepat, mungkin… tetapi salah, belum pernah Kau anomali. Ku fikir celik lagi waras namun kau ANOMALI tak pantas ku baca gagal ku kupas. Kau anomali sukar di definisi.

Perkabungan

2008-11-12T02:00:00.003+08:00

Aku berkabung tanpa jenazah yang perlu diusungAku berkabungdalam hujan yang tak menitik, tak basah dan tak sejukEsak ku tawa,tangis ku dekah berderaiHati ku tampal ‘koyok’seperti yang kau mintaBiar deritanya tak zahir di matasi dia yang buta Aku berkabungdemi kau bahagia.

Hatiku...

2008-11-12T02:00:00.001+08:00

Hatiku dah tak larat, hatiku dah penat, hatiku dah tak terbeban, hatiku dah tak tersarat. Helah kau insurans rasa bersalahmu, harapan agar kurang berat di dada, tapi penipuan juga pilihanmu, biar aku tampak BODOH lagi cela! biar hatiku terus tak terbawa… Helahmu dan hatiku tak akan pernah seiring. Cukup tamat kita di sini. Hatiku tak tertanggung!

Langit Mengerti

2008-11-12T01:58:00.000+08:00

Langit mengerti lalu menyimbahkan takziahnya simpati akan aku yang kehilangan Rakan yang ku pegang jadi sahabat Kawan yang ku biar akrab Langit mengerti lalu memuntahkan amarahnya Sahabat yang dulu ku pegang percayanya kini berpimpin tangan dengan yang lainnya Teman yang dulu akrab seolah kini membiarkan aku ‘tertiarap’ Langit

cermin vs. aku

2008-10-28T20:19:00.003+08:00

menyampah betul pandang cerminHOLLOWthere's a silly girl staring at meDUMBthere's boredom in her eyesSILENTthere's lifelessness in her figure,MATIthere's emptiness in her heartLOHONGandthere's me...

Poem in progress

2008-01-08T23:07:00.000+08:00

Unfamiliar and familiar facesstaring on meGazing me up and downSome with sharp curious eyesSome with teary read onesMany were anxious.I felt nakedUndress me did they?One by onethe faces I recognizedyet failed to remembercame near meAlmost kissing my earsthey whisper.Strange.I heard the clock ticking nearthe fan spinning fastand beep beep beep of a weird boxBut...what were they whispering?

B.*.T.C.H

2008-01-08T22:55:00.000+08:00

To the b*tch who stole my watch and ruin lotssa things...Your name spells B.*.T.C.HYour mouth smells rubbishYour words are shadows of your negligenceYour expression represents your retardation(in-progress...will complete later :P )

Wound:revisited

2007-08-20T21:20:00.000+08:00

You are so DESPERATELY differentWHY try so hard to be someone that isn't youWHY is there a need to provewhen we both know,neither are victorious...And why, why am I opening my heart awaking my sensesto the same ol' wound again...

How do you do?

2007-01-26T22:16:00.000+08:00

I feel like I've beenstripped offMade to walk in frontof people, NUDEI feel like my hearthas been robbedoff its love and tender careI feel betrayedMy words echoedin somebody else'smouth and earsI feel like I've beenstabbed, BLUNTpainfully enjoying the silence of deathHow do I do?I'm fine... thank you.

Dismantling Me

2007-01-26T21:55:00.000+08:00

- D.i.s.m.a.n.t.l.i.n.g Me -1. Take out the heart2. Soak it in fakeness of love3. Boil it with anger4. Mince it with frustration5. Dry the brain of reasoning6. Season it with false hope7. Add in accusation and hatred8. Allow others' propaganda to mix well with all the ingredients9. Perfect the taste of decision by letting it be influenced by the essence of STRANGER10. Dinner is served!!!

The sun is setting

2007-01-26T21:52:00.000+08:00

The sun is settingMy heart is bleedingIs that the last ray I'm seeing?It's difficult to breatheAs I lay here half dyingIs this the last air I'm inhaling?The dusk is approachingMy nerves are numbIs this the last day I'm living?

Love - untypical

2007-01-26T21:49:00.000+08:00

LoveNeed not a reasonTo LoveShould not expect a returnUnconditional...

Cold blood self murder

2007-01-26T21:47:00.000+08:00

I stabbed my heartagain and againYou stood there watching medyingThe spear you gave mebluntIt's very hard for meto dieYet I'm very persistentand you stood stillwatching medying...

Y.O.U

2007-01-26T21:42:00.000+08:00

To stop thinkingabout you... Is to upset my brainfunctionalityTo stop loving youis to cease breathingTo live without youistodieaslowdeath.

TodayAsInTomorrow

2006-07-29T22:20:00.000+08:00

IamSadForEvrythgDatIamHappy4TodayIamMissingEvrythgDatIamCelebratingTodayIamSick4IamWellTodayIamLeavingButMyHeartBelongsHereMyTearyEyesHoldYourCryMyLoveIsLeftBehindnote: 1st draft in SMS form...thus the shortforms (SMS lingo)

Despair, frustration and sometimes happiness

2006-04-05T09:48:00.000+08:00

He often asksWhy did He create me this wayHis feminine soul criedHis masculine eyes wateryWhy am I feeling this wayHis pink heart bledHis torn brain worked hardHe wept away those tearsKept his emotions asideShaved the beardKeep the moustacheHe's a man again.

Rhetoric Burden

2006-04-05T09:43:00.000+08:00

And why did she lay awakecrying under the heavy blanket?For a beauty that one wantsbut alas will never getWhat beauty of such powersilencing a sound mind?Of fairness and brilliancethat one wishes to possessbut regretfully will never have the accessOwh who shall hear the criesother than yours and ears of minethe One who listens toevery single buzz, thud and swishHow painful the heart isWishing for

A (good as) dead lover

2006-03-29T10:33:00.000+08:00

I hate you because I canin so many waysYou don't understandand you never tried toYou only know to playthe so-called cool guyOn my birthdayI wished for a bed of rosesAnd a pool of lovebut you being the always youtext-ed me a "happy birthday to you"On our first dateI wished you make me feelspecialinstead, I have to put wordsinto your dried mouthand barren heartWhen our eyes first metYou promised me

Portraits of a black hole

2006-03-29T09:49:00.000+08:00

This is me, looking calmeven as a babyThis is me and my best friend...the people we used to beThis is me and my almost twinI swear I didn't smear her pictureThis is my eldest brotherlooking great even when carrying his toddlerholding hands with his wifeThis is me and my volleyball team...the triumphant historyThis is my youngest brotherAn adorable babyToo fast have he grownThis is me and my

Love in our modern time

2005-12-23T23:32:00.000+08:00

Friendship is an art of appreciationCourtship is an art of spontaneityMarriage is the craft of warYou gain a little, and lose a lot more.(p/s: no offence - I'm addressing "marriage" as in the increasing number of divorce cases. I'm not against legal marriage, note that ^__^)

The dead were fortunate

2005-11-12T16:58:00.000+08:00

They screamed in frightThey ran with forceThey swam against deathThey stayed afloat...Blood-less like so many othersBabies cryMothers weepFathers lie motionlessAshore...Relatives and friendsAway...away...awaySwept by the tideBuried in the floor of oceansThe living lives onbut nothing more like zombiesDead soul, shattered heartEyes open wideThe cries continue stillBut no more tearsExcept only out

Angels on the hill

2005-11-12T16:25:00.000+08:00

Up the hill they ranFearing the giant tideUp the hill they layInjured, in pain and disgustUp the hill they satTrying to understand, the nowbarren landUp the hill they criedReminded of such bleak futureFate has broughtUp the hill they sawAn angel tending tothe wounded, the scaredcuring bruised and scarred heartswith smiles and lights of loveAngels gathered round the hillProving humanity exists

Lazarus

2005-10-29T23:56:00.000+08:00

Kau bisa buat orang percayaIbarat kau lahir semulaSuci tanpa celaPutih tanpa nodaKau bisa seru semuanyaPuja kau bagaikan santoKatamu tersusun rapiPerimu berhemah tinggiKau pandai bicaraJadikan kasusmu, pengalamanmuTauladan dan sempadanAkal dan budiKau bijak segalaTapi aku lebih mengenalimuLakonanmu, riak wajahmuKu mengertiSanto yang mereka idolakanPendebat yang mereka agungkanSi Lazarus yang

Dedicated to Pin wink

2005-10-25T12:22:00.000+08:00

This is a story of a gal, who flew up to the blue sky. She punched, she kicked, she ducked, she blocked, she screamed, and she scowled and finally she defeated the infamous Ayah Pin, and became the ruler of the Sky Kingdom, and thus was named Pinky Pin.This is a story of a gal who likes to gimme miss calls, not that she doesnt haf the 'credit' to talk to me, tapi she just enjoys annoying people.

Kisah anak raksasa dengan ultraseven

2005-09-17T00:13:00.000+08:00

Mak raksasa: Sape suruh ko jalan macam ketam. Aku mak ko, aku raksasa, ko anak raksasa. Lain kali jangan suruh si mak ketam tu ajar ko berjalan.Anak raksasa: Ala, mak. Bukan sengaja, derang yang suruh try belajar dengan mak ketam, maklumlah banyak garam dia makan kat laut tu.click the link to read further ^__^

Iklan spontan (ada ke?)

2005-09-05T13:21:00.000+08:00

Merdekakan diri-dirimuMerdekakan tubuhmuMerdekakan jasadmuMerdeka...merdeka...merdekaMerdekakanlah iaDari bau hapak dan tenginAgar tidak pengguna LRT penin'Moga kami jauh dari gerin'Merdeka...merdeka...merdeka***Layaknya digunakan untuk iklan Hari Merdeka tahun depan dan tahun-tahun seterusnya bagi syarikat-syarikat yang menghasilkan deodorant.***I'm sooooo sick today!!! Achoooo!

The tell-tale her

2005-08-29T15:51:00.000+08:00

Shut her upShe’s breeding liesTurn your back against herShe’s falsifying innocenceShe’s full of shitA bag full of feintCheck her luggageA mouthful of rehearsed fibMake her gag ‘em upShe’s cooking up fictionShe’s the queen of deceptionOverthrow her from the throneWhose lies sprung up like poisonous mushroomsDig them out and squash them mercilessHer skills were beyond yoursShe convinced the

Music to her ears

2005-08-29T15:02:00.000+08:00

I'm putting 'The Temple Girls' on hold now, because I feel there's a need to do some research on the temple girls' background before writing further about their lives. And, in order to kill the time during my working hours (well, I am not abusing it - I've completed my SB and I'm waiting for the supervisor to go through it when he's back from the subcon in Subang), I wrote (and am still writing

If you're wondering why

2005-08-26T22:05:00.000+08:00

I purposely added the radio.blog although not all songs included in there are my favourites. I like 'Handzalah' very much, and since my not-so-newborn (dah lima bulan) nephew's name is Handzalah, why not put it in here right. A good way to relax after a long day at the office - for me lah!Ok, have a good weekend peeps! And DO NOT forget to dongak ke langit malam ini!!

tempLe girls

2005-08-21T11:30:00.000+08:00

Ingatkan nak buat pay-per-view hehehe...kiddin'Intro je ^__^ ***“Is it still far away, Lin?” her eyes glaring with doubts.“Just a bit more, Ivy. Keep walking, ok.” Lin assured.They have been walking for almost an hour, guided by a torn hand-written map given by gung-gung. The only valuable possession they have left. Their only chance of learning the hidden truth, and they kept walking.***Synopsis

Tempe girl

2005-08-18T16:44:00.000+08:00

Yester year,It was ‘tai pau’Last yearIt was ‘moon-face’This yearIt was ‘tempe’Still they haven’t had enoughShe braved through allShe swallowed hardEvery mockery and laughterAgain and againShe smiled…Resting her faith inDESTINYShould one have faithDestiny it beOne morning she woke upTinged by desireShe leapt submitting to karmaNow,It is the sprawled, straggled girl.***On the verge of writing The

Biar Aku

2005-08-15T18:04:00.000+08:00

Lekas senja, labuhkan tiraimuBiar langit jingga menghadang pandangBiar mati cicip burung yang bercenggekLantas sepi suasana Mari ombak, hampir padakuBiar basah betis ketingBiar reda api amarahLalu lindung aku dari mamah Tenggelamkan aku wahai sang malamBiar orang buta pada tangiskuHanyutkan suaraku hai bayuBiar mereka tuli lagi tidak endah Tahukah kau sebahagiankuDan aku sebahagian darimu Walau

We're two but lovers

2005-08-15T18:02:00.000+08:00

We’re two cobblersTrying to mend our worn heartsThe more we triedThe bigger the holes stretchedWe’re two birdsOne with broken wingsThe other with wounded eyesTho' we triedHealing each other bestWe ended up hurting ourselves mostWe’re two of everythingbut loversThe more we sought for loveThe even lifeless we became

Anchovies 'sardined' in tin coach

2005-08-10T10:35:00.000+08:00

Dedicated to the anchovies' teacher and kak nana :P***Missed the first oneToo full!Missed the second oneToo swift! Hey, why didn’t you stop!Squeezed through the third oneDazed! Giddy! What a @#$%* smell!!Our bodies boogied to the careless rhythm – Harsh frictions vexing the dance floor – Clumsily my head knocking your arm – And then banging her shoulders – Finally, I stood there motionless

Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince: A Review

2005-08-04T18:19:00.000+08:00

I don't even know if this should be called a review, let's just assume that this is just another write-up on Harry Potter 6.***Undoubtedly, Harry Potter has become a worldwide phenomenon striking kids, teens and adults alike. On July 16, 2005, the most anticipated book of the year, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince was 'released' and the overwhelmed readers were finally able to continue

Ode to an ol' lady

2005-02-24T14:48:00.000+08:00

She walked the earth aloneShe lived life in solitudeShe left in utter stillnessAlone and lonely...She wasn't born into lonelinessBut she came to this landWithout any hands to cling toAnd fate chose her To become one with silenceShe married a manWith great fortuneBuilding their fortressToo soon...too soonHe left the mortal lifeLeaving her to reminisceAll alone...and lonelyShe bore princes and

The boy who cried "MOO"

2004-09-09T09:46:00.000+08:00

His name was Raja, not because he’s from the royal blood but rather due to his mother’s fascination of Hindi movies when she was a lot younger. Mak didn’t watch such movies anymore, they reminded her too much of her late husband. That afternoon, Raja came home from school walking in the hot blazing temperature. As he reached the door, he called out for his mother, “Mak, ooo…Mak. Raja dah balik!

An old poem...

2004-09-02T11:14:00.000+08:00

To the person I'd love forever I wished the relationship could be better... You scold, you shout, you nag You get fierce When coldness is piercing You get mad When a battle is losing You made me believed I'm the cause of difficulties Faults, mistakes and even sins I bear the blame For I am the seed You made me do Things you wished you could have Not wanting to hurt I kept my mouth shut And let my

Will I find you there?

2004-08-17T11:34:00.000+08:00

Dear Mama, I had a terrible nightmare last night I woke up this morning Trying to find you But you were gone I hurried down the stairs and went to the kitchen where you always cooked my favourite dishes I saw a pot of tea, steaming hot But I couldn't find you there I craned my neck and looked at the washing area Where you used to stand in front of the washing machine Stuffing my dirty and

Puppet - Master

2004-07-15T15:50:00.000+08:00

Left right left right The puppet moves Dance, run, and spin Heart stops beating Brain fails to think Her soul cries and screams Ignored. The show went on... Puppet master stood up, Applause, applause You RULE!

The Conversation

2004-07-15T15:47:00.000+08:00

He said "NO!" I asked "why?" He shook his head And I shrugged... I loved him, but he kissed me goodbye.

Threat Note

2004-06-30T21:48:00.000+08:00

Breathe in the fire Fill your lungs with desire Lit up your anger Ignite your vengeance Expose your wounded heart... You. Yes, YOU! You annoyed me and for that you shall pay (in hell!)

A Child's Loss - 2nd phase

2004-06-30T21:36:00.000+08:00

I've revised the poem, this might or might not be the final piece. Will let you know if I decided to add things/ideas to it. Call me indecisive if you want, I prefer to look at is as a progressive effort ^__^ (wrote this in the LRT this afternoon) I heard a voice from WITHIN A joyous song, I thought. It sounded far so I listened carefully A mournful wail, The child weeps: In the adults'

A Child at Loss

2004-06-29T22:19:00.000+08:00

A poem in progress...don't put high expectations on the outcome ^__^ I heard a voice within Thought it was a song of joy I listened carefully It was NOT It sounded far I listened carefully It's a cry A mournful wail (to be continued)

I'm watching you!!

2004-06-29T19:22:00.000+08:00

I saw you last night Crawling out under the moonlight You've been hiding there for a while It's about time you turn back I saw you last week Your white shirt tainted red Your heart bled And more tears you shed I saw you last month Crying and running away from your ruined life Leaving the palace where you were once the princess I saw you last year You were jaunty Your laugh froze the world